Interest and Affliction of the Monster
by Princess Blaziken
Summary: Johan knew the person who would make his plan perfect the moment they met. He was interested in her, she was the same yet different as the rest of the humans. Kenza Tenma, she was his savior, god, the one would kill him, and the one that would be left alone and nameless in his plan... (My idea if Tenma had been female in the story, from Johan's view.)
1. Chapter 1

**I have no clue why, but I have always liked the idea to think of how different the chemistry and reactions between Tenma and Johan would be is Tenma had been a woman. I did a bunch of logical thinking about it and this kind of became a result. Maybe a one-shot, hopefully it will be, maybe no. Reviews and critiques are much appreciated.**

The first time Johan met Dr. Kenza Tenma wasn't just a memory to him. He could revisit the scene perfectly in his mind, as clearly and crisply as if it happened mere hours ago. He recalled the numb feeling and his eyes shifting to the darkness below the eyelids. The IV's pinched where they were inserted into his arms, and there was a bitter and annoying scent of medicine and hand sanitizer. He was laid out in a soft bed; the covers were cold despite his body being tightly wrapped in them. He heard a voice, soft and gentle with underlying harshness accompanied by the occasional beeps from machine's as he breathed in and out through a tube.

He heard her speak of her life, and the reasons she came from her home country. How she came to work her here and the mistake it was. How angered she was, at everything, for simply doing what she thought was right. Though starting calm, her voice grew to an angered shout that made her accent prominent, which returned to being quiet within a few seconds of shouting. Johan found these things trivial, simple, cliché. _Human._ Yet, they interested him. This woman who saved him with no hesitation stirred the interest of the monster within him. She was different from all the others, like the General. Johan felt the need to repay her, not only for saving his life but hoping it would please the monster in him.

As he heard her get up Johan opened his eyes and watched her leave. She was a small, petite woman, her coat hiding all of her body. She had big brown eyes and a soft rounded face. He nose was odd, being rather large and curved down, like the beak of a bird. She had long dark hair that reached her lower back, with a gentle wave to it. Her expression at the moment was bittersweet, but that didn't mare the sylph-like beauty she possessed. When the door softly clicked behind her Johan looked around. His eyes landed on a brightly wrapped packet of candy on the very top of all the gifts in the room.

That would do for now.

…

The next time Johan saw Tenma wasn't pleasant. It was soon after the first, but short. He finally saw Anna again. He felt relief to see she was fine, though dazed. Her expression was blank as he began crying, forgetting the doctors and held his hand out for her. It crumbled from there. Anna screamed and backed away like a terrified animal, before passing out. He felt many emotions that he easily kept from showing. Anger at them all. Sadness at himself, that Anna did not forgive him. Confusion at his sister's reaction and what he should do.

Then Tenma came into the scene. After checking Anna she turned to him, an expression of terror and sadness merging on her face. She looked like a mother that just caught her child doing something bad, _dangerous._ She turned to the doctors and began shouting at them. The argued and shouted back, until the Chairman raised his hand, the threat obvious. She flinched, and silently stepped back. Just before leaving, she looked at him with a look of sorrow and regret. Burning anger filled the monster inside him.

Rather than giving the men a poison that would make their death slow and painful, he supposed a quick one would be better. After all, the sooner they were dead the better benefit to Dr. Tenma.

…

It wasn't until years later Johan met Tenma again. He never expected Junkers would have dragged her into his plan so soon, without warning. Though it destroyed his plan, he supposed the sooner the better. His thirst for knowledge of her had not been quenched after he did as she asked. If anything, it only made him more curious. He wondered what the doctor would say to him after discovering the truth. She was as predictable as any other human, but something about her struck Johan. Maybe it was her personality and morals, or he still felt debt. Either way, he wanted to see the doctor again.

He watched from the shadows as she came forward. Not much had changed since all those years ago. There were a few more wrinkles around than her recalled, and at some point her hair had been cut and allowed to grow out again as it reached her mid-shoulder blades now. He saw the shock in her eyes, like a deer in the headlight. He spoke to her, bringing forth all the memories from those years ago. Tenma's expression shifted to horror as she realized what he was saying.

When he pulled out the gun and pointed it at Junker's she screamed at him to stop and took a few steps forward. He legs were shaking, yet she still approached the monster. She tried to reason with him, use logic and appeal to humanity. This amused him greatly. He had chosen a good person to take interest in. It was easy for him to silence her by simply stating the truth of his fake name and his view of her. She really was like a mother in his eyes, as she refused to abandon him. As he clicked back the hammer she began speaking of the value of life she lived by.

He easily plucked her light out by telling her of the murder from years ago. He described them with detail, things only the murderer would know. She looked terrified as he spoke the words of a monster with ease. After that he simply squeezed the trigger. She just stood there, like a weed rooted to the ground. Rain began making a gentle pattering against the pavement. He walked past the fallen body and stood at Tenma's side. He could feel her shaking inside her thick coat. Johan saw her brown iris' shift to look at him. He smiled gently and began walking away, passing Tenma's fiancée Everett along the way, the foolish man trying to hide in the shadows.

Johan knew this would be the perfect plan, for him, Anna, and Tenma.

…

His most brief meeting with the doctor was in Munich. He knew Tenma had been perusing him the whole time. He admired her strength of pursuit, but she was terribly naïve. Johan planned the fire for many reasons, to dispose of Schuwald, show Tenma the true nature of man, and hopefully give her a true taste of his capabilities… if she survived the fire. It would be a shame if she died of simple smoke inhalation or Roberto. Though, after hearing the first gun shoot he knew this would end favorably. Johan wanted her alive as she was a final part to complete his plan.

He only saw her through the smoke, for a just a few minutes. She looked angered and focused, carrying an impressive rifle for a woman of her size. Johan stared at her with calm eyes and a grin as she brought the gun up to her shoulder to shoot. He knew she could not shoot. Even after shooting a man dead, she could not shoot him. A monster could not be killed within his own trap, after all. He tapped his fingers against the side of his leg, down from five, while he pointed at his forehead with the first finger on his other hand, the message obvious.

When done Anna suddenly ran from the smoke on the other side and struggled with Tenma for the gun. He watched the struggle until the curtain behind the two began falling, trapping Anna under it. Though he did not want to leave his sister, knowing she was trapped under burning rubble, he knew Tenma would take care of her. Johan ducked behind a burning bookcase and to a back stage door, easily unlocking it with a set of keys and stepping into the cool, clean air outside.

Surely, the weather would be better suited when his plan fell into place.

…

It was rainy in that planned final day. It came down in steady and constant sheets, soaking through any cloth despite being light. He stood in front of Tenma, still and patient. The doctor's skin was sickly and pale, her cloth hung off her more than usual and cheeks looked slightly hollowed. The gun was steady in her hand while her legs shook as Franz Bonaparta lay a few feet away, dead as his blood was washed away in a stream by the rain. Roberto was also there, face again the stone road. She was on her knees, trying to stead herself. Johan saw her weakness. She was terrified, but more determined than anything to shoot him. This was what interested him. No matter what, Kenza Tenma did what she believed what right now matter what else. And because of that she saved and caught the attention of the monster.

He placed his finger on his forehead and watched as she finally saw what he saw. Johan smiled as he watched the terror crack her mask and fingers began shaking. Even when Anna, or Nina to the doctor, came and shouted neither moved an inch. Even after the forgiveness came, the thing he desired the whole time from his sister. He needed Tenma to shoot him. That was all that was left for him in life. This was his perfect suicide, to make all the pieces fall in place. He _needed _to die by Tenma's hands for this. She was the last person in his life who knew, but could never convince anyone of his existence, for she lacked the evidence. All that was left, was to eliminate the remains.

Johan pulled his gun out and held it to the child, Wim's head. Tenma shook more as he urged her closer to that uncross-able line into doomsday with him. To become another monster, to complete the cycle. Tenma screamed as she was finally pushed over an edge.

A bang came but it was not from Tenma's gun.

Johan felt a dull but familiar pain as he was swept off his feet.

The last thing he saw before all faded to black was Tenma's shocked expression.

…

Johan didn't know how much time had passed when he next woke up. The dull pain and pinch of the IV's were familiar. His sight was massive blur of color until his vision properly focused on a white ceiling with a light strung above the bed. The bitter scent of medicine made his nose itch. He looked around, finding himself in a dull, small hospital room. He gripped the sheets of the bed, testing if his arms and hands still worked. When he discovered they did he carefully sat up and pushed the covers back and stood up.

He instantly felt light-headed and weak as he stood up. He would have fallen to the ground if he hadn't caught onto the IV stand. Slowly and carefully, he steadied himself up. He leaned against the stand as he walked towards the door. He needed to know what happened, and if he had any chance of getting out. Just before leaving through the door, he saw his reflection in a mirror. His hair was unkempt and reached past his shoulders. He had lost weight, his high cheekbone and strong jaw much more prominent now. He touched the now long locks on his head in shock, before continuing out the door. How long had he been in a coma?

The halls were unusually quiet and barren. He didn't run into anyone until he rounded a corner and a small, mousey looking nurse ran into him. He stared down at her with no expression, not even a mocking grin or pokerfaced. Nether the less, she looked terrified and stared at the German blonde for a moment before running down the hall shouting. Johan stayed there, balancing against his IV as he heard running. They were coming for him, but he wondered what for. To sedate him? Explain to him? Or maybe even to execute him? None of these things would shock him, knowing regular people were monsters of their own design. He licked his dry lips as he saw who rounded the corner with some other nurses and doctors and said hoarsely,

"Dr. Tenma."

The over 40 year old surgeon didn't even look phased as she stared into the monster's blue eyes. She had regained her weight and her face was once again rounded, but her high cheekbones and a few more wrinkles were now prominent. Her expression was serious, nearly dark, but that didn't shock Johan in the least. They just stared at each other, in their own world, waiting for the first to move. Eventually, Johan tried to take the first step forward but forgot to lean on his IV, and began falling forward. Almost on reflex Tenma ran forward and caught him, easily able to support his larger frame. Johan was shocked at how gentle she was, it was like a mother hugging their own child. Very hesitantly and slowly, Johan wrapped his arms around the smaller woman's torso to try and support himself as well, but also because it simply felt right. Even more so when she gently patted his back.

"Welcome back, Johan… I know you're probably having some trouble right now, but don't worry, I'll help."

For once, it was only Johan who was okay with this, and the monster inside him remained silent.


	2. Chapter 2

**I am so glad I finally have an excuse to type more chapters of this story.**

**I really wanted to type more, but I didn't see any reason to as I am busy with personal stuff and I saw nothing wrong with leaving it as it was for then. First, I want to thank Convenient Alias for being my first review on this this story. I also want to thank them for pointing out I didn't really have any major differences between male Tenma and female Tenma. That is because of how I write gender-bends, as I don't think the thought process changes much between gender swapped characters and what really changes them is the experiences they have and are influenced upon by being a certain gender. And most of the scenes where I do have defining differences between them would not have made it into this one shot of the main story and what I imagine would happen after. So now, I am writing more to both show more difference and my idea of female Tenma and just because I really want to write more for this. (BTW, nothing is owned by me, just going to get that outta the way right now.)**

Johan loathed the color white.

He would not lie; he found it interesting how they chose a color that is so easily stained to be a symbol of innocence. But as he lay in the hospital bed he was confined to, he began thinking it was more suited to be a color that represented oppression and insanity. Everything in the room was stark and bare, even the sheets and hospital gowns he was given. The blinds to his window were almost always closed, giving him no view of either the blue sky or grey clouds that lay behind them. He was still too weak to stand on his own to open them. The nurses and doctors that came in were also clothed in muted colors. Johan did find interest in this kind of setting once in a while, but to be in one constantly made him feel trapped and restricted.

All Johan knew is that now he was awake, he was to remain in the hospital until they reached a verdict on his case and murders and was recovered enough to be moved to a different location. They also had a guard at his door, watching him to ensure he would not try anything. Johan would have laughed if he could. He found it humorous enough to be but he simply couldn't. He couldn't try anything even if he wanted. They would kill him, but he no longer desired to be dead. Johan found it odd, that he spent so much time planning his suicide only to be content with remaining alive. What urged him to stay alive? To be willing to stand this maddening, clean, human place?

The door slowly creaked open and soft footsteps were heard as his answer rounded the corner.

"It looks like they finally cut your hair back what it was before." Tenma said with a soft yet tired smile. Johan just stared at her, noting it. No one smiled at him, they didn't even try, yet Tenma somehow managed to. He could tell the smile was not natural, but it wasn't forced either. It was sub-conscience, perhaps. Since his awakening, Tenma was now his personal doctor and in charge of all things relating to him. She also had to stop in and check his condition at least five times a day, and anytime she came in for an emergency at night.

Tenma was still very special to him. She still cared for him without fear nor worry, like a mother that knew their child well. She was the only one in this place of sterile medicine that seemed to wear any color, or stand out. Under her white coat it was normally a button down, but sometimes it was something that came from her country. Today she wore a bright green silk shirt that shimmered in the light. Seeing another color that wasn't white or brown or the lightest blue calmed Johan, it stimulated his mind and made him remember thing, and he needed that in a place where he could do nothing. He was drawn to her and how she acted to him after all that has happened. How she could do things like this with him with no fear.

"Johan." The blonde looked up into Tenma's eyes, having been lost in thought. She was holding a blood pressure sleeve. "I need to take your blood pressure."

Without a word, Johan offered his arm to her and she strapped the device on. Johan was drawn to her face. Something was amiss, very different about her yet he couldn't tell. Only when she turned to write down his blood pressure did he realize it.

"Why did you cut your hair, Dr. Tenma?" He asked calmly. Her locks now reached her shoulders, and were tied back into a short ponytail. She turned to look at him, and Johan simply stared her back in the eye. Her eyes were so filled with expression, and fear was one of them, but it was easily hidden amongst the rest.

"I felt like it." She simply said.

"I expected more from you, Dr. Tenma." Johan said. He didn't know why he was continuing this conversation. It was pointless yet he felt the need to. What was this feeling, of wanting to talk to someone? He didn't feel like this around anyone else when they entered. Maybe it was simply because it was Tenma. "You originally had long hair, when we first met, wouldn't you prefer to grow it out again?"

"No."

"Most woman would desire long and dark hair like your's, Dr. Tenma. It is rather beautiful, especially for a woman of your age." Johan said. He wasn't lying, her hair was of a fine and smooth quality.

"Cutting hair isn't as simple as that in my home, Johan." Tenma said sternly as she wrote down more information about his health on a clipboard.

"How so?"

"Cutting your hair means the beginning of a new life for a woman… And I felt I have finally begun a new life, so I cut it." She explained and stood up.

"When did you decide your new life began, Dr. Tenma?" Johan asked with a slight smile, curious as to what the doctor thought was new beginning. This could be an interesting situation.

"When you woke up." That was all she said before leaving, obviously not wanting to talk about it as her voice shook at the very end of her sentence.

For once, Tenma had left Johan interested instead of the monster that slept within him.

…

The next time Tenma came in late in the evening, she brought him something. It was a vase of flowers. The vase was small and wide, so it held many flowers in the green tinted glass. And each one was a varying color. He saw blues, pinks, reds, greens, yellows, and purples.

He saw no white.

"It's rather dull in here and there's a flower shop near where I had lunch," Tenma said and sat down next to him. "I figured you should at least have something to brighten up your room rather than the walls."

Johan simple began wondering about Tenma as he went through the motions of his checkup. She brought him these though he showed no sign of boredom or want. He had been sure she had been put on edge by his questions today, yet she did this kindness for him.

"Why did you buy me the flowers, Dr. Tenma?" Johan asked.

"Most of my patients have them in their room, and those that don't receive flowers often complain about how dull it is." She said and looked up at him with a gentle smile. "Even if you don't like them, I figured they would be more fun to stare at than the ceiling or the curtains."

Johan remained silent. This woman was too kind for her own good. After all he done for her, Tenma still did things like this. He decided to ask, "Are you afraid of me, Dr. Tenma?"

Johan stared into her face as she looked up to meet his eyes. For a moment, they were just like when they first meet again just a few years earlier, shaking with terror. But all too quickly, they shifted into a darker state that nearly dulled them to a black color.

"To be honest, Johan, I am terrified of you." Tenma said, mouth a thin line. "But I have more than enough bravery to come in and do my job. You are my patient, and it is my job to make sure you are healthy and going to heal properly."

"And what will happen to me, once I am healed and the verdict is decided?" He asked.

"Then I will act the way I feel is right." She said and stood up. "Now please, try and get to sleep tonight. The bags under your eyes are getting a bit more obvious and you'll take longer to recover."

When Tenma left the room, Johan shifted his eyes to the brightly colored flowers. He began naming the flowers in his head. Red tulips, alpine roses, cornflower, arnica, and so many more he could name...

Not one of the flowers had a negative meaning.

…

Two weeks passed since he received the flowers. They were still in full bloom and not yet close to wilting, having been cut and cared for very well. Every time Tenma came in, before leaving she would give the flowers a little more water and adjust a little so they wouldn't fall. He would watch her slender fingers easily take a tulip and adjust so it was not hanging out of the vase. His own fingers would twitch. The only things he could feel were fabric and metal. He wondered how it would feel to touch a flower, something living yet slowly dying.

"Johan," The blonde looked away from the flowers and up at Tenma, who had a wheelchair with her and a guard standing close behind her. "You're healthy enough to go outside and sit for a while. You could use some fresh air, as well."

Johan nodded, and slowly shifted his leg out from under the covers. As he stood up, Tenma came to his side and as soon as he began leaning over caught and helped support him. He was still too weak to support his own weight. Tenma explained it was because of the shock received to his brain when shot again, and the fact he had lost so much weight while in a coma. Though he knew there was nothing he could do and he felt annoyance at the fact he had to rely on someone to do such a simple task.

Tenma lead him to the chair and he easily sat down. Out of the corner of her eye, he could see the guard staring at him with a frown. He was used to that, and turned his head slightly to stare back. Instantly the guard shivered and looked away. Johan knew the man was also scared of him. He turned his head back as Tenma got behind him and began pushing him out. As they traveled through the halls of the he could feel the stares of the nurses and other doctors on him and Tenma. He was not surprised when she didn't flinch or looked ashamed. He knew it would take more than a few stared to make Tenma crack under pressure.

Johan found outside to be peaceful. It was a pleasant surprise. There were no clouds in the sky so the sun beat down on all, but a cool breeze easily kept one from feeling uncomfortable under the rays of the sun. Rather than the smell of exhausts from nearby roads and cars, he smelled dirt and clean air. Tenma rolled the wheel chair out into the grass and once stopped he placed his feet in the grass, feeling cool and scratchy against his sole. He looked to his side and saw Dr. Tenma sitting down next to him in the grass. She looked calm, at peace despite knowing well she was sitting next to a monster. Johan looked ahead, seeing a few other patients and nurses outside as well.

Silence settled between the two, and once again it seemed they were in their own world. The only sound being the wind blowing, taking away the feeling of the warm sun. Johan took in a deep breath of fresh air. He felt calm, but empty. He had nothing he could do, not until his fate was decided by the law. He looked towards Tenma again, curious as to how she felt about this.

"Dr. Tenma," The blonde began, causing the doctor to look up. "What do you believe the law will do with me once I'm fully recovered?"

"…I don't know, Johan," She said and looked down. "Despite all your crimes, for most of them, they have no conclusive evidence to prove you did them. The only thing they are sure of is you and Roberto killed many people in Ruhenheim, and they deduced from your actions you are mentally unstable. And executing a person that is mentally unstable would be upset many and put the law and many political figures in a bad situation and light, so I doubt they will go down that route. And Dr. Gillen is saying that your mentality and research could be a great help to learning the workings of the mind of other mentally unstable criminals. As your doctor and the one who knows most about you I am constantly given information on what they are trying to decide in turn for reports on your condition."

"I'm likely to be sent to a prison for the insane, then." Johan summed up, understanding the situation perfectly. He had assumed that was what most likely to happen. He had done well in covering his tracks and only leaving enough information for Tenma and Anna to follow to take part in his plan but now that it was undone the police were doing what they could to find those old tracks. It was useless though.

Suddenly, a small red ball rolled over and stopped by Johan's feet. The blonde reached down to picked it up and looked up. A little girl with long blonde hair ran up to him, staring at the ball. Smiling, Johan handed it back to young girl. She took it with a large smile.

"Thank you!" She exclaimed before running back to the nurse she was with. Johan watched her and the nurse throw the ball back and forth before Tenma broke the silence.

"Johan, do you really like children?" She asked. "I have seen you with them, but I have also seen what you push them to do. So tell me honestly."

Johan had to pause and think for a moment. Did he like children? He did find them useful for creating fear in a community. He also found it interesting and fun to mold and shape their minds into ways that amused the monster he was, to see the fear he could so easily create by telling then a few simple things. But that wasn't what Tenma was asking. He recalled all the times he had spent watching some children, talking with them. It had all been a game to them. He recalled their smiles and how they amused both him and the monster within. He recalled their imaginations and logic, ideas and energy. Sometimes, he did look forward to it. It also interested him how they could be shaped, and loved so unconditionally by some but not by other, yet how they managed to keep some innocence until adulthood.

"Yes, Dr. Tenma," The blonde finally said. "I suppose I do like children."

…

"Johan, can you try and stand up?"

Johan was shocked by this request from Tenma. She was standing at the wall the other side of his room, waiting patiently. He sat up and moved as if he were to get out of bed, but did not. "May I know why, Dr. Tenma?"

"You should have regained most of your weight by now, and all the results if your previous check-up say you should most likely be able to walk, or at the very least stand by this point in your recovery." She explained. "If you're worried about falling, don't, I can easily catch you."

Johan nodded, recalling when he had taken those few steps toward her when he first awoke and fell, before being caught. She possessed a great amount of strength, especially for a woman of her size. Johan felt hesitant, but his actions weren't as he stood up slowly. Instantly, he felt odd as he recognized himself with the familiar pull of gravity and his legs tried to remember his weight. He legs shook slightly and he nearly lost his footing, but managed to remain standing. After a few moments, he managed to adjust himself so he was standing tall again.

"Good, at least you can hold you own weight stationary." Tenma said with a relieved sigh before asking, "Can you try and come over here?"

Johan turned to face Tenma, began slowly but surely walking towards her. It felt odd, both to walk and be closing the space between them on his own. He felt both his knees and ankles struggle with moving completely again and holding his weight. The cool tiles of the floor numbed his feet slightly and were slippery, making it harder for him to walk on. He was three feet in front of Tenma, about to stop when he stepped the wrong way and his leg gave out. He managed to catch himself on the wall, but was pressed against Tenma's small frame, his larger frame and body much more obvious and trapping her against the wall. He looked down into her eyes as she looked up at him. She could see shock and worry, but only the tiniest sliver of fear. After a few moments, she let out a sigh and stood up straight and Johan copied the action, standing properly, with both arms still on either side of her.

"It looks like you don't need the wheelchair to move around anymore, Johan. Though, we'll have to work on your strength a little and getting your joints used to carrying your own weight again. It won't be too hard if we practice every day." She explained, not seeming to care he was still towering over her.

"I agree, Dr. Tenma." Johan said softly, staring down at the doctor. Most women would have been shocked or scared, especially if they knew the monster he was. Yet, Tenma was not.

Johan then decided he would learn more about the doctor.


End file.
